How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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