can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
