Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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