Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Someone signed my nipple.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
