life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
