My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My liver just broke up with me...
Jerry, you need to find god
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
