just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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