everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
