where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
