He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
