Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
