i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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