What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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