okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
