Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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