My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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