the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
