another moral hangover. fuck.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can't put those talents on a resume
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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