my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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