This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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