I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
