I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
