omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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