i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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