Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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