We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
