You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
