You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
