woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
