girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
