id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
