Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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