Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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