I want to make a zoo with you.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
