she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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