kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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