dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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