for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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