i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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