If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
