I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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