Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
