omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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