Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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