I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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