that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
