How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
