you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
