I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
