I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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