After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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