it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
