you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
