Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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