mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
