She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
