it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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