So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
