im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
