New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
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