and next time when you feel me up, do it right
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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