"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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