I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
