Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
