Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
